I guess it’s been a good week overall? I’m so tired this summer though, more exhausted than I’ve been in as long as I can remember.. I think it’s probably the 16/17mths of constant pandemic blahs to be honest. And the doomscrolling, cannot forget this endless and deeply traumatizing news cycle.. Is it just me or do the reports start to look even just slightly better only to immediately slap you in the face Billy Mays style “BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!”
I’ve done some walking but not nearly as much as I’d planned and I’m just not feeling motivated for much of anything. I’ve been slowly feeling my art again though so that’s something, right? I took this selfie Tuesday (August 3rd) because I was totally feeling the sun and I was in a really good mood but I also noticed that I seriously need to retouch my hair – it’s coming across fuchsia in photos and it’s really supposed to be a dark amethyst shade. It’s okay, I still like it! It’s just …. ¯\(°_o)/¯
Annnnyhow – I need to jumpstart my motivation somehow – my arts, my writings, my … anything? I’ve just grown so f**king bored of so much sh*t.. Even when I’m not bored, I’m just apathetic? It’s not like depression apathy either, I’ve been down that road before. No, this is a faceless weird kind of apathy. I feel just drained all the time. I really can only link it to what I’ve been calling “pandemia” which to me is a state of always waiting for the other shoe to drop and always being afraid that something worse is just around the corner yet not having even the most base instinct to do anything about it. Sure, okay, aliens are next – right? Or whatever.. Some faceless terror awaits and it’s a pressure on my psyche but still – it just feels like … /sigh Whatever. ..
I can’t be the only one in this fog, if you’re out there and you’re burning out too – you’re not alone, I don’t know if it’ll ever be okay again (maybe a new kind of okay?) but I can honestly tell you – you are not alone.