10: “And the music was soothing..”

Well I’m eleventy-seven shades of already the heck over 2021, aren’t you? The holidays here went well – I got everyone thoughtful and practical gifts that still held a splash of creativity and fun – that’s always a bonus! My BFF got me a killer KILLER makeup set that I’ve been legit frothing over for WEEKS.. She also got me a coordinated brush set and this glorious black knit poncho thing with a fur trim that would make a Disney villain go totally green with envy, I LOVE IT SO HARD ❤ and I almost forgot – some super cute makeup organizer/storage bags plus a spill mat I desperately needed because OMG you should see my sloppy desk after I’ve painted the youth back onto my face… urrrghhhh! 

My Beloved Largemale bought me a Juicy bag and yasssss I have wanted one of those forever … It’s the perfect size and colour and style I COULD DIE NOW but I super want to use this stuff for a while so y’all aren’t getting free of me that easily 🤣  Everything was good – dinner, family, the whole shebang.. Feast before the famine, right?  Let’s hope 2022 can lift some of the anxieties of these past two years.. The uncertainties, the heavy heavy shit we’ve all been forced to carry for so many months. We weren’t made for this shit, eh? But y’all – we are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We can do this – you, me, all of us. We got this.. Just a little further on up the road. Just keep swimming!

So yeah, I read this other thing on facebook, a feelings kinda BS thing?  Mmm... and seriously I just cannot with some of that shit, right? You ever read a passing meme or macro and you’re suddenly just swimming in that aura of “fuck yeah, me too, omggg” yeah, so that happened..

“But the things that we were supposed to do?” she said, “don’t go and do them with her.

Make new memories. Don’t take the ones that were meant to be ours.”

~ S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #259

OK this? This is the saddest thing I’ve read in so fucking long but I get it, omg do I ever get it. Isn’t that the biggest fear when you break up with someone? Even someone you hate? It’s that the things that were meant to be yours, the two of you – the GOOD things, will go to someone else. maybe the good things that *should* have been yours, it’s like they’ve been snatched out of the cosmos and just unceremoniously handed off to some other person, some other *One – that isn’t you.. And maybe things, ALL the things — would have / could have / should have — been good for the two of you? but …. they just weren’t meant for YOU and no matter how hard you wish it, it just wasn’t ever meant to be.. But this “make new memories” it’s the vibe, don’t take memories I never had the chance to have, ones that were stolen from me before I even knew they should have been mine – don’t take those and hand them off to anyone especially not *that* one…


I’m talking too much now and in case you were wondering – yes, I am a bit scattered and I totally do feel a headache coming on. I’m going to go brew me a nice steaming cuppa and take some Ibu to nip it in the bud. Y’all take care of yourselves, and each other 💞